She is my Kabuisku

This posting is taken from a note of my friend. I found it very touching, and I would like to share it with you all. You can see the original here.

I never expected that my life is so boring. At morning I gotta wake up and prepare to go to college. Reading, writing and doing what I don’t like. I have been doing this since I was 5 years old until now I am 21 years old. What a boring huh ? Sometimes I ask my self “ is there any better life than this one ?” everything that I do is so far beyond my will. Parents and friends suggest me to be consistent to face this shit. What can I do ? let me try to survive one more before commit suicide. Hopefully there is miracle out there.

Sunday is over. It’s time to deal with that shit again learning to be what parents want, a good student. I wake up with a thousand of laziness in my head. Feels like my eyes can’t be controled when I want to open them. With full of desperation I force my self to step out of the bedroom heading to bathroom. Before getting my body wet with water I prefer to spend thirty minutes just for standing up beside the bucket without something in my mind. The shout of my mother ends up that moment “what are you doing inside there ? have a shower quickly, don’t come late again to the class”. I take a deep breath as I say “what a life” I take a shower finally because there is no other choice. It feels so cold.

My mother was right. I am late now. To prevent the problem, I bow and walk in the class slowly behind of my friends’ back reaching an empty chair in the corner. In the middle of my trial, a girl shouts out loudly “ that lazy boy enter the class just like a thief” all my classmates laugh without a stop. The lecturer stares at me madly. I am afraid of her. Classmates are silent for a while. The lecturer says “hi thief , you are not allowed to enter this class. Now go back out there and walk just like your way came in”. once again those monkeys laugh. What a annoying.

Finally I decide to be on my own and sit down mourning my life. Under the tree I just try to have a smile on my face. Remembering all their behaviors in the class before makes me sleepy. I fall asleep. In my dream I get a dream. In that dream a thousand of butterfly flying near my head. Ironically when I see them carefully those butterflies have a human head with girl face actually. One of them get closer to me. She speaks to me “Hi handsome, in a moment a rain will fall down. If you don’t mind, come to our place, you won’t get wet there. It’s a beautiful place. You will probably feel comfort there. I am gonna leave you my right wing and it will lead you to find the place that I am talking about. Now please wake up !!” I wake up and feel so hard to take breath. I can’t believe that dream, I am afraid. When things stabile, I feel something sticky in my lips. I pick it slowly with my hand and see it, I can’t believe it, it is a wing that was given in my dream before. I hold it in hand carefully

Rain starts to fall, makes the wing wet. Then the wing glows like a diamond and flies low in front of my eyes. Seems like it wants me to follow it. I remember the butterfly in my dream who asked me to follow the wing. I follow it bravely. It brings me to a garden right in back of the building of my class. Suddenly I feel a thunder attacks me and I am not aware.

After all, I hear voices of women around me, it wakes me up from my unawareness. I try to open my eyes and I can’t believe what I see. There are so many beautiful girls looking at me and smiling at the same time. They all are beautiful. I realize that I have been laying my head on a girl’s leg. When I get up and see her, I recognize her, she was a butterfly who spoke to me in my dream. Seems like she is a queen there. In a moment, they all leave us alone. The queen speaks “welcome to Kabuisku” I am shocked. All I see is so different with things in life that I deal with. She takes me to look around Kabuisku. It’s so beautiful country. Its sand is red and its flowers look like a rainbow. There is a river in every corner. What a amazing.

She asks my name, I say “akamel” then she says her name “kalin” we both share our own experiences in our own place. She tells hers and I tell her about the whole boring days of mine out there. Her respond is so different with all people that I know. She doesn’t advice or suggest me to be good man. In other hand, she offers me to live in Kabuisku. I am interested with that offer but I know that there are still many things that I have to consider. I decide to think about it later on. Now all I want is just to enjoy this heaven environment with her.

She is like other human. She is hungry and she asks me to have dinner together. In a table she keeps showing me her angel smile. I have to realize that she is the most beautiful girl in the world. the sight of her eyes makes falling in love with her. I am crazy about her. It’s a dinner but my eyes never look at the food on the table, they keep looking at her face. I want to be with her forever. Feels like the miracle that I have been dreaming is coming to me now. I feel another world which is much better than any other. I know that now I am no longer dreaming. It’s a reality. I feel that my self is lucky to feel this moment.

After dinner, we both sit on the side of a river. She asks me “ what is your choice ? will you stay here or leave ?” her face looks sad asking that question. Seems like she hopes that I will stay in Kabuisku. “I have to permit to my parents and some friends then I will come here again” I answer. She is smiling hearing my sentences. Her face represent what she feel inside. She said “keep this wing, when you are about to get back here just pour it with water. It will bring you to Kabuisku. Now go back to your house, say good bye to your parents and your friend out there. I will be waiting for you here.” I reply “ yes, but how can I get out of here?” then she say “just close your eyes and you will be in your house”

Now I am at my house. I still wonder of this miracle. Inside my bed room I lay down my body on mu bed and think about what reason should I say to my parent before saying good bye. I can’t sleep that night. My thought keeps going to everywhere to find a right reason. And finally I get it. I am going to say my parents that my friend in Kalimantan island invites me to work and he will be responsible to my education there.

In the morning, I tell that lie to my father. My father is shocked listening my words and forbid me to go there, but I am still on my self, no mater what happen next I just pack my stuff quickly. Seeing that, my mother cries and gets mad at me at the sometime. I keep ignoring everything. When I am about to leave my mother call me “my son. Take this money. Maybe you need it sometime”. I decide not to take that money. I say “no mom, I have money that I have saved before, it is enough to pay what I need later”. Finally I leave the house and go to my campus.

On the way I always keep that wing in my right hand. I can’t wait to pour it with water and see kalin. After I get right in the back of the building of my class, I pour the wing with the water of my drink. The wing glows just like yesterday. But after it glows, its color turns to black just like it has been baked. I try to pour it once again and it becomes red dust same like the sand that I saw in Kabuisku. I panic and don’t know what should I do. My soul and my heart broken suddenly. Feels like I have been crazy. All I can say is her name “kalin … kalin … kalin.. what happens kalin? I miss you, I really want to see you, help me kalin !!” I keep saying the words until I get calm. But nothing changes. I am still there, in that place not in Kabuisku.

I have been tired to make it right, I know no more Kalin and Kabuisku. My hope and dream are gone as the wing disappears. I return to my house desperately. In my mind and heart there is only pain which is unstoppable. After I get in the house, my mother asks me “ why do you come back? Aren’t you leaving for work in Kalimantan?” I answer “I can’t leave you alone here mom, I can’t be far away from you. You are more important than everything” I actually I don’t mean to say the words, but it’s okay, at least the words make my mother happy. I kiss her forehead and say “I want to get rest mom, I love you” I lay down my body on my bed. My mind is still mess up and the shadow of kalin and Kabuisku keep staying in my broken mind. I really want to forget that place and what in it. But it is not as easy as I want to. I realize that hope and dream are gone. I let it gone and accept the reality. I try to be mature man and just let the time erases the pain in my heart.

In the next day, I force my self becomes a man who is responsible, discipline and wise. I come to my class earlier that others and let anyone knows that I have changed. I sit in the front line. One by one friend comes in the class and finally that annoying lecturer sit on her chair. The lecturer asks me “ why don’t you come late again?” I answer “ I am bored being a looser, I know that I have to live properly with full of spirit in this world and obey the regulation” the lecturer smiles at me and says “ you look so handsome saying that words”. In a minute, the class begins. We all follow the class seriously and suddenly I hear the sound of someone walking so fast. It is so disturbing. It blows up my concentration. At the door a girl standing and she is wet with sweat. She come in the class silently like a thief. I think it’s time to revenge and share to someone else the feeling of how does it feel being called thief in front of people. I stand up quickly and say loudly “we have a new thief today, it’s a girl, she is at the back” all friends look at back but no one laughs. They all are smiling and I don’t know why. I try to stare at her face slowly and carefully, I can’t believe it , that girl is kalin. I can’t say any word. Kalin gives me her sweetest smile. She looks more beautiful now than she was at Kabuisku.

The lecturer call kalin to stand in front the class to let other students know who she is. “good morning everyone, I am sorry for what happened just now. I promise you all that next time I won’t come late again. I am Kalin, I am a new student here. Hopefully you all and me can be friend, thank you.” She gets back to the chair behind. The way she speaks is still the same with before when I had a conversation with her in Kabuisku. She is so charming. Class goes on, but I no longer follow the class, I want this class over as soon as possible. The feeling in my heart can’t be controled. I keep looking at her and I don’t care to the lesson. All I want to do is talk to her sooner.

Now class is over, quickly I come to see Kalin. I haven’t said a single word but she has said “don’t speak too much Akamel, I am here for you forever. Can I have a lunch with you today and everyday ? I am so hungry” I can’t still speak. I am drowning in her smile. I can only nod my head and my finger pointing at a small cafe over there. She hold my hand and say “ lets go there honey”.